You and Your Ex – Can You Be Friends?
I see that people have been taking time out today to wish just about everyone, send an SMS to everyone on their contact lists much to the joy of their subscriber, dedicate songs to friends and, in general, celebrate the spirit of friendship. Just been wondering, does this day bring out enough goodness in you to wish your ex- as well– be it boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or partner? Can you be friends with the person again?
Most relationship experts would say ” Well, it depends on how you broke up.” But I’d say, it depends on the age you broke-up with person X. I believe with age you tend to become more cautious about who you befriend and why. Yes, yes, the O comes way before the S, W and T in relationships, so don’t you try analysing it.
Obviously, if it was in your late teens and you guys just fought over something trivial and broke up, am sure both of you can reconnect and have a good laugh about it if you’re older now. College was when you needed to make yourself heard, rebel, and prove a point, no matter who it was to. So now that you’ve done it all, you can be friends again and forgive and forget, no?
As we grow older, our emotions seem to get the better of us. Perspectives change and relationships only get more complicated. Yes note, I say relationships, not people. Because, as a friend rightly said, we are born simple, but circumstances complicate us. Long-term relationships, pre or post-marital, that end bitterly, are hard to forgive and forget making it tough to be friends with the person later on. However, there are exceptions. Sometimes, the bitterness subsides with time and we make an effort to rekindle the friendship that didn’t work out earlier.
For relationships that end up in divorce, it of course depends on how amicable it is. Sometimes spouses make for far better friends after parting ways than they ever did while they were together. It only bodes well, if there’s a child involved. But even otherwise, it works out to be a classic case of “a friend in need…” as that’s when one tends to fall back on someone who he/she knows well or understands a given circumstance best.
I know of people who are “good friends” with their ex, in fact so much so that they take life-changing advice from them. Now, if only, the wisdom flowed back then! What’s even more interesting is that the ex becomes a part of the present relationship without being judgmental and emotional about it. They are a part of the happiness and the heartbreak, if it does come again. The changing dynamics of relationships!
When a relationship ends, generally one or both the people involved tend to get hurt. Depending on the duration of the relationship and the intensity, it may take a while to get over your ex and feel good again.
Once you’ve accepted that it’s over, you can consider being friends. But just make sure your ex wants to be friends too.
- You can start by checking in on him/her, once in a while. Maybe you could send a friendly hello SMS or call and wish him/her for the birthday. Ask your former partner how they’re doing and based on their response take it further.
- Make sure you or your ex don’t have other intentions. He/she shouldn’t want to revive the relationship or have some fun on the side. It’s important you both know where the friendship is heading so that one person doesn’t end up getting hurt.
- Initially keep your meetings or phone calls brief. Set limits for yourself and make sure you aren’t constantly in touch. This could harbour some old feelings. Also try meeting up with a group of friends so that there is no awkwardness between you two.
- What you discuss with your former lover is also important. Avoid very personal topics like your love life or intimate details of your friends. Keep it as casual as possible.
- Let go of the past. This is quite tricky as it’s hard to keep the past memories away. Even in a joking tone don’t remind him/her about how they missed your anniversary or never made time for you. This will make it unpleasant and lead to an argument.
- Keep one of your best friends updated about your efforts. This will help him/her look out for you and tell you when you’re getting too close to your ex. It’s essential to keep some distance.
I see that people have been taking time out today to wish just about everyone, send an SMS to everyone on their contact lists much to the joy of their subscriber, dedicate songs to friends and, in general, celebrate the spirit of friendship. Just been wondering, does this day bring out enough goodness in you to wish your ex- as well– be it boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or partner? Can you be friends with the person again?
Most relationship experts would say ” Well, it depends on how you broke up.” But I’d say, it depends on the age you broke-up with person X. I believe with age you tend to become more cautious about who you befriend and why. Yes, yes, the O comes way before the S, W and T in relationships, so don’t you try analysing it.
Obviously, if it was in your late teens and you guys just fought over something trivial and broke up, am sure both of you can reconnect and have a good laugh about it if you’re older now. College was when you needed to make yourself heard, rebel, and prove a point, no matter who it was to. So now that you’ve done it all, you can be friends again and forgive and forget, no?
As we grow older, our emotions seem to get the better of us. Perspectives change and relationships only get more complicated. Yes note, I say relationships, not people. Because, as a friend rightly said, we are born simple, but circumstances complicate us. Long-term relationships, pre or post-marital, that end bitterly, are hard to forgive and forget making it tough to be friends with the person later on. However, there are exceptions. Sometimes, the bitterness subsides with time and we make an effort to rekindle the friendship that didn’t work out earlier.
For relationships that end up in divorce, it of course depends on how amicable it is. Sometimes spouses make for far better friends after parting ways than they ever did while they were together. It only bodes well, if there’s a child involved. But even otherwise, it works out to be a classic case of “a friend in need…” as that’s when one tends to fall back on someone who he/she knows well or understands a given circumstance best.
I know of people who are “good friends” with their ex, in fact so much so that they take life-changing advice from them. Now, if only, the wisdom flowed back then! What’s even more interesting is that the ex becomes a part of the present relationship without being judgmental and emotional about it. They are a part of the happiness and the heartbreak, if it does come again. The changing dynamics of relationships!
When a relationship ends, generally one or both the people involved tend to get hurt. Depending on the duration of the relationship and the intensity, it may take a while to get over your ex and feel good again.
Once you’ve accepted that it’s over, you can consider being friends. But just make sure your ex wants to be friends too.
- You can start by checking in on him/her, once in a while. Maybe you could send a friendly hello SMS or call and wish him/her for the birthday. Ask your former partner how they’re doing and based on their response take it further.
- Make sure you or your ex don’t have other intentions. He/she shouldn’t want to revive the relationship or have some fun on the side. It’s important you both know where the friendship is heading so that one person doesn’t end up getting hurt.
- Initially keep your meetings or phone calls brief. Set limits for yourself and make sure you aren’t constantly in touch. This could harbour some old feelings. Also try meeting up with a group of friends so that there is no awkwardness between you two.
- What you discuss with your former lover is also important. Avoid very personal topics like your love life or intimate details of your friends. Keep it as casual as possible.
- Let go of the past. This is quite tricky as it’s hard to keep the past memories away. Even in a joking tone don’t remind him/her about how they missed your anniversary or never made time for you. This will make it unpleasant and lead to an argument.
- Keep one of your best friends updated about your efforts. This will help him/her look out for you and tell you when you’re getting too close to your ex. It’s essential to keep some distance.
